The Dirt by Tommy Lee

Author:Tommy Lee
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Just before the Girls, Girls, Girls tour, Heather and I caused the downfall of one of the country’s biggest fucking coke dealers. And it was all because we didn’t want to go to Jamaica alone.

Our manager, Doc McGhee, had a lot of suspicious friends who lived in the Caymans. They were these crazy macked-out guys with only first names—Jerry, Leigh, Tony—and they’d bring huge fucking suitcases full of coke and cash to the island, where they’d launder their money without the IRS getting up into their shit.

Leigh, a tan, suave, filthy-rich Southerner, was one of the coolest of Doc’s friends. I had originally met him with Vince when we were chilling in the Caymans. Leigh walked into Doc’s rental house with an attaché case, and the first words we spoke to him were “Gimme, gimme, gimme!” Because we knew what was in that fucking attaché case: mountains of white powder to stuff up our noses.

Leigh opened the case and gave us a little rock.

“That’s all you’re giving us?” Vince yelled at him.

“I’ll tell you what,” Leigh said. “If you can open the case, you can have more.” And with that, he gave us a knowing wink, shut the case, dropped a lock clasp, and spun the combination dials so we couldn’t open it.

We had that entire rock in our system in ten minutes, and then, as always happens when you’re high on coke, we started fiending hardcore for more.

Vince and I grabbed the suitcase and tried every single combination. We were so coked out that we actually thought we were coming up with every single permutation of three numbers. “Wait,” Vince would yell in a flash of inspiration. “Have we tried six-six-six yet?”

Finally, I went into the kitchen, grabbed a butcher knife, and cut the top off Leigh’s thousand-dollar leather briefcase. Glittering inside like white gold were fucking dozens of huge plastic bags filled with coke. We slit them open and just dove in like we were bobbing for apples.

After an hour of white heaven, Doc walked in. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Vince looked up at him, his face white with coke and slobber. “Well, Leigh said we could have it if we opened it. And we opened it.”

Doc was fucking pissed and kicked us out of the apartment. I think we ended up paying for all the drugs we destroyed out of our royalties.

Not long after that, Leigh got busted. He used to have superhot chicks fly in to meet him in the Caymans for a few days—always different girls coming two at a time—and we just thought that he was a mack fucking daddy. But the truth is that he was using them as mules to bring drugs into the U.S. One time these killer blonds came down from New Orleans and kicked it with Doc, Leigh, and the guys from Bon Jovi, who Doc was also managing. When it came time for the girls to leave, Leigh taped drugs all over their bodies and dropped them off at the airport.

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